My letter to the LGBTIQ activitsts

Dear LGBTIQ Activists in Indonesia, greeting from the L-side.

I’ve been following your moves for a while and I just want say that I am really impressed and adore your spirit in fighting for the rainbow in Indonesia. You all are such brave soldiers.

Do you think our generation will have a chance to experience the first LGBTIQ parade (mardi gras)? Or maybe we need to buy acres of land, and build a 10m high brick walls around it, shut & lock the gates + have thousands of guard dogs, apes, and tigers who sniff and scare homophobias?

But, seriously, we are fighting in country with the biggest muslim population in the world, majority are fundamentalists. If we don’t have concrete strategy, we won’t get nowhere over the next centuries.

So far, we’ve been attacking the system,,, but nothing will really change until we have enough people like us (at least support us) in the parliament and the government – this will take centuries, even the LGBTIQ population in developed countries still have this problem!

Yes, we also tried to educate people that everyone has the freedom to choose their sexuality, but, again, psychological changes don’t occur over a day workshop. I think changing human’s ability to perceive the world is the ultimate goal of human resource development; BUT it needs time, endless education, and real life experiences.

I also think that giving people enough confidence to reveal their sexuality would endanger them physically and mentally rather than giving them pride to be themselves. What i mean by physical danger is that we would never know what would happen to these people when they leave their LGBTIQ zone and return to the ‘normal’ society. What i mean by mental danger is that these people will become prone to verbal abuse and threats from the ‘normal’ society. Unfortunately, not everyone has guts as strong as you guys.

And lastly, Indonesia is just simply too big (by size!), we just keep on falling apart!!! We have a little war here, we have a little war there, but we barely make sustainable changes.

I think we need safe territory, a little LGBTIQ village or town or city or even a county to keep us all together;
A place where we can be the ‘majority’
A place to give us the spirit to come out and act as we are,
A place where we feel ‘big’, confident, and comfortable of ourselves,
A place where we unite our intellectual forces to support our movements,

Do you think we can do that?

I think we can and we should learn from Ciputra who built the Bumi Serpong Damai real estate from a piece of empty land in the late 1980s. I know he took years, but he proves that building an independent city is possible!

DE.

Happy Anniversary

Happy anniversary!

I’m watching you,
Deep asleep,
Soft air pumps in and out of your stumpy nose,
Tiny air passes through your soft lips.

I vividly recall the day I felt for you.
We were sitting side by side,
You held me tight.
I can’t really remember how our sweet caresses started.

I just know,
Right at that moment in time,
I gave all my life,
And the deepest part of my heart to you.

I starve for your hugs,
I thirst for your kisses,
And I crave for your warmth,
Every second of my life

I know 3 years is nothing, but I want you to always remember,
Our 3 is unique,
Our 3 is special,
Our 3 is nothing anyone else’s been through.

Our 3 is us,
And our 3 is the righteous form of our endless love.

Female vs Male, Women vs Men, Girl vs Boy from psychological perspective

Are there sex or gender differences in human behaviour? Sigelman and Rider indicated that many researches attempted to answer this question, and these are what have been discovered so far (all cited in Sigelman and Rider 1996, p. 324-325):
• ‘Females sometimes display greater verbal abilities than males, but the differences is small’ (Eleanor Maccoby and Carol Jaklin, 1974).
• ‘Males outperform females on tests of spatial ability’ (Choi & Silverman, 2003; Nordvik & Amponsah, 1998; Voyer, Voyer & Bryden, 1995).
• ‘Girls have a slight edge in calculation skills; the sexes do not differ in understanding math concepts; and males outperform females on mathematical world problems, starting in adolescence’ (Hyde, Fennema & Lamon, 1990).
• ‘Males engage in more physical and verbal aggression than females, starting as early as age 2’ (Buss & Perry, 1992; Eagly & Steffen, 1986).
• ‘Boys are more physically active’ (Almli, Ball, & Wheeler, 2001).
• ‘Boys are more developmentally vulnerable’ (Henker & Whalen, 1989; Jacklin, 1989; Raz et al., 1994).
• ‘Girls are more compliant with request from adults’ (Maccoby, 1998).
• ‘Girls are more tactful and cooperative’ (Baron-Cohen, 2003; Macobby, 1998).
• ‘Females are more nurturant and empathic; sex differences in behaviors, however, are small but show females empathizing more than males’ (Baron-Cohen, 2003; Deuthsch, 1999; Feingold, 1994b).
• ‘Females are somewhat more anxious, cautious and fearful, although not in sexual situation’ (Piggott, 2002).
• ‘Males show a small edge over females in self-esteem’ (Kling et al., 1999; Robins et al., 2002).
• ‘Males are more likely to engage in risky behaviours’ (Byrnes, Miller, & Schafer, 1999; Pinker, 2002).

Unfair Judgement

It’s sad to face the fact that none of you have tried to reunite us together again. Day and days gone by, soon will be months than years, should I keep on waiting? Or should I sound my self?

As long as I can remember, I always support controversy. I love controversy. I think it’s an important element of development.

I recently had an interesting discussion with a colleague. He told me a story about his recent mount-climbing trip when he learned not to contaminate any water-stream on the mountain because the running beautiful stream of water is the clean water source of anyone living below that height. He was surprised to see three of the local guides kept on contaminating the water with their personal care equipments after they were told about the environmental impact of it. He was upset to see how the locals don’t learn until they experience the result of the events themselves. He judged them with low morals and mentality.

But when I told him about me, he denied me. What is the difference between him and those guys at the jungle at larger context? None of them learn anything until they experience it themselves. They judge with immature mind!

My advice to you guys: learn before you decide your stand point. Observe at your own perspective before the society controls it. See things from global perspective, not “local” perspective. Think outside the box for god sake!!! — don’t judge what is right and what is wrong by what other people want you to say.

I’m not destroying the environment. I fulfilled passion, intimacy and commitment. I was happy. What else is there to expect?

Science doesn’t deny us. Science advises us not to be discriminated.
Why do you listen to Al-Gore’s advice to preserve energy but don’t listen to Rahman & Wilson, Bailey & Zucker, Prof. Dr. Siti Musdah Mulia or others who look at it from different point of view?

You’re all work in development world. You support “helpless” people at no cost. You dedicate yourself, mind and love to contribute to society with one goal; make the world a better place to live.

Why do you ignore me than? Don’t you realise that we are one of the “underdogs”? What is the difference of us to the “single mothers” or “wives of polygamy husband” or “anak haram” or “disabled people” or “Acehnese who don’t want to wear scarf” or “Muslims who practice free-sex” or “Muslim’s who don’t pray” or hell knows what else? We’re also less-fortunate member of society who suffocates for its acceptance. None of us have proper legal rights some have none at all. We only have one right: the right to be judged wrong!

If all Indonesian eat prawns and I don’t, does it make me a bad Indonesian?

I’m sure all of us have done something that is “morally” unacceptable by society BUT have I ever turned you down? Have I ever said that you’re wrong and you should stop? Why all of you are supporting me to go down? Why none of you try to raise me up? You all know me… put yourselves in my shoes and think… what would I do if you’re me? The event itself was painful, but it hurts even more when the world turns against you.

I believe that pain is an important process of development. I promise I will not stop myself from getting hurt until the truth is revealed.

Coming Out as a Lesbian

I created this identity over November 2008. Now is October 2009.
It took me almost a year to grow the guts to launch my first ‘coming out’ entry into the virtual world, and here it comes:

“I’m an Indonesian lesbian, currently in a 4th year partnership with the most wonderful person I’ve ever met in my life!
I don’t believe in God, I never give a fuck of what people say about me, and I’m looking forward to wonderful years to come as a rebellious freedom fighter against homophobias and any forms of discrimination towards the minority groups!”

Gosh… that feels so fucking GREAAAAT!!!

Now you can expect more ‘interesting’ stuff from me

Understanding SEX, SEXUALITY and GENDER

 

We talk a lot about sex, sexuality and gender, but do we really understand what each of these terms actually means? Many scientists have attempted to define those three g-spots of us as human beings. It will take me days to summarise each of their definition. However, I’ll conclude a simple understanding here based on my current understanding their definitions and is highly supported by definitions from the Concise Oxford English Dictionary:

 

S E X

Noun

1.      Either of the two main categories (male and female) into which humans and most other living things are divided on the basis of their reproductive functions. The fact of belonging to one of these categories. The group of all members of either sex.

2.      Sexual activity, specifically sexual intercourse.

Verb

1.      Determine the sex of.

2.      (Sex something up) informal present something in a more interesting or lively way.

3.      (Sex someone up) informal arouse or attempt to arouse someone sexually.

 

S E X U A L I T Y

Noun

1.      Capacity for sexual feeling. A person’s sexual orientation or preferences. Sexual activity.

 

G E N D E R

Noun

1.      Grammar a class (usually masculine, feminine, common, or neuter) into which nouns and pronouns are placed in some languages, distinguished by a particular inflection. The property of belonging to such a class.

2.      The state of being male or female (chiefly in cultural or social contexts). The members of one or other sex: differences between the genders.

Usage

Although the words gender and sex both have the sense ‘the state of being male or female’, they are typically used in different ways: sex tends to refer to biological differences while gender tends to refer to cultural or social ones.

 

 

M Y   O W N   D E F I N I T I O N   O F   S E X,   S E X U A L I T Y,   A N D   G E N D E R

 

Sex is a biological definition that genetically differentiates sexes to male and female based on their form of reproduction function. Sex is mostly use as a form of sexual identity.

 

Sexuality is the sexual preferences or sexual interest of human being. Sexuality uses the term masculine and feminine to distinguish between men’s and women’s heterosexual representation.

 

Gender consists of more complicated social definition behind the term sex and sexuality. Gender represents the cultural value of sexuality and refers to more influential social impact of masculinity and femininity within a society. Gender is socially and culturally constructed and relate to the formation of identity. Definition of gender is varies between places and time.

 

Smile, DE.

 

 

10 Breast cancer myths by Bronwyn McNulty

 

 

An interesting article written by Bronwyn McNulty. McNulty presented 10 facts in argument against 10 urban myths of breast cancer. Happy reading.

 

Quoted by DE from: http://www.essentialbaby.com.au/parenting/advertorial-4/busting-breast-cancer-myths-20081027-59di.html?page=-1

 

 

Busting breast cancer myths

Bronwyn McNulty – October 27, 2008

 

Tall tales about what causes breast cancer can do more harm than good, writes Bronwyn McNulty.

Underwire bras, antiperspirants and big boobs cause breast cancer. True or false? False. But the existence of these urban myths about breast cancer at least means women are talking about the disease.

Associate professor John Boyages, director of the NSW Breast Cancer Institute and spokesman for the National Breast Cancer Foundation, says 13,000 women are diagnosed with the disease in Australia each year, which means there is a high level of awareness.

Professor Michael Henderson, from Melbourne’s Peter MacCallum Cancer Centre, says: “Our mothers will tell you that in the 1940s, ’50s and ’60s, if a woman had breast cancer, the last thing she did was tell anyone.”

The National Breast and Ovarian Cancer Centre says to be sceptical of information “not from recognised medical and scientific experts”. Here we dispel some of the myths.

 

MYTH ONE

Having a family history of breast cancer means you will get the disease
Most women who get breast cancer don’t have a family history of the disease, Boyages says. “Therefore, all women should think about their breast health,” he says. “For women aged 50-69, that means going for regular mammograms. Call 132 050 for information about the free breast-screening program.”

 

MYTH TWO

Breast cancer is a young woman’s disease
With the public face of breast cancer featuring the young faces of Belinda Emmett, Jane McGrath, Kylie Minogue and Christina Applegate, you could be forgiven for thinking it’s a young woman’s disease. It’s not.

“The data is quite strong,” Henderson says. “In Australia we are not seeing an increase in young women [under 50] with breast cancer. The [most common] age is the late 50s and 60s.”

 

MYTH THREE

Antiperspirants and underwire bras cause breast cancer
“These are urban myths that have been debunked many times,” Henderson says. Boyages says: “Breast cancer has been around since the ancient Egyptians and I don’t think they had underwire bras.”

 

MYTH FOUR

Freezing water in plastic, or microwave cooking with plastics releases cancer-causing toxins
One email doing the rounds warns of the dangers of the above and is attributed to the John Hopkins Sidney Kimmel Comprehensive Cancer Centre in Baltimore. John Hopkins has labelled the email a hoax.

“Freezing water does not cause the release of chemicals from plastic bottles,” Boyages says. “And there are clear recommendations to only use microwave-safe containers. “

 

MYTH FIVE

Lumpy breasts increase your risk
Boyages says: “A lot of women get lumpier breasts before their period or may have cysts, which are common in the breast. Nine out of 10 lumps are not cancer. But if you have a lump that doesn’t go away, have a triple test.”

 

MYTH SIX

Small breasts reduce your risk
Breast size has nothing to do with the risk of breast cancer but Henderson says obese women, specifically women who are post-menopausal, have an increased risk.

 

MYTH SEVEN

Implants increase your risk of breast cancer
Silicon breast implants are not linked to breast cancer risk. The National Breast and Ovarian Cancer Centre reports that a large study on the long-term effects of implants followed women for more than 10 years and showed no increased risk.

Boyages says: “In some ways it’s easier to find breast cancer, because the implant pushes the breast tissue forward.”

 

MYTH EIGHT

Breast pain indicates breast cancer
Most breast cancers don’t cause significant pain but a few do. “So you can’t be complacent if a lump is painful,” Boyages says. “In about 10 per cent of cases of breast cancer there is pain.”

MYTH NINE

Nipple discharge indicates breast cancer
The majority of nipple discharge has nothing to do with cancer but Henderson says bloody discharges are a concern. “Even then, more often than not, it is not breast cancer,” he says. Boyages says doctors will also be concerned by discharge that is coloured “like straw”.

 

MYTH TEN

Mammograms cause breast cancer
Exposure to ionising radiation can cause cancer. However, given the limited number of mammograms a woman has in her lifetime and the standards of mammographic equipment in use in Australia, the increased radiation exposure from a mammogram is minimal, says the NBOCC.

“If you are 50 [and] having a mammogram every two years, the risk of radiation is far less than other risks we take every day,” Boyages says.

However, having radiation for other cancers does increase your risk of breast cancer.

“If, for example, someone had Hodgkin’s lymphoma as a teenager and had radiation treatment, they would be at much higher risk of breast cancer, so should start having mammograms 10 years after their initial treatment,” Boyages says.

Readers can support breast cancer research by buying a pink ribbon on Pink Ribbon Day, which is October 27.

 

For more information
National Breast Cancer Foundation
Breast Cancer Australia
National Breast and Ovarian Cancer Centre
Breast Cancer Network Australia
Cancer Council Australia

 

How to improve your breast health

 

See your doctor regularly
“If you have a lump, get it checked out with the triple test,” Boyages says. “Make sure the GP follows the national guidelines for breast checks.”

 

Be breast aware
Be aware of changes in your breasts and find out what your normal pattern is. “Perhaps your breasts are lumpy before you get your period,” Boyages says. “If so, do the breast self-examination after your period.”

 

Participate in national breast screening
This should be done once you turn 50, Henderson says, adding that “women aged 40-50, after discussion with their doctor, may consider screening at an earlier stage”.

 

Maintain a healthy lifestyle
It’s estimated that one-quarter of breast cancers are attributable to our lifestyle – particularly obesity, diet and lack of exercise – says Henderson. “Once you’ve had breast cancer, a moderate amount of exercise, getting weight down and reducing the fat in your diet may help to reduce the risk of breast cancer coming back,” he says.

 

Drink in moderation
People who drink alcohol to excess may have a slightly higher risk of breast cancer. Moderation is the key.

 

Have good vitamin D levels
“There’s some evidence that low vitamin D levels can increase the risk of breast cancer,” Boyages says.